Athlete or fugitive?

It's was a little spoof game that I made up with friends years ago, kind of like slug bugs. Ever see a guy out for a run in his street clothes? Yeah, you make the call.

Disappointingly, my game continues to play out as real life in the NFL. You'd think that as other sports markets implode, the NFL would attempt to take advantage of the PR disaster. Alas, this is not the case.

Historically, the league has shown its willingness to excuse the criminal behavior of its players. This practice is by no means limited to the NFL. Something this twisted and epidemic has to start much earlier. From the maniacal parents out of control on the sidelines at pee wee soccer and little league, to coaches who assault players in high school football, to the bench clearing and sometimes deadly brawls in high school baseball, the culture of violence and bad behavior is pervasive. As we mature, we learn how to become better sportsman. Unlike children, we learn to keep the game in perspective, to win with humility, and be gracious in defeat. Right? Right. Before covering the current roster of the disgraced and disgusting, let's review a couple of Hall of Famers. There was OJ of course, but that's too easy. Here are a few of the lesser known losers: Warren Moon - quarterback and wife beater, Jose Canseco - MLB assclown, wife beater, and recipient of multiple arrest warrants for various charges, Ray Lewis - linebacker and murderer (allegedly), Nate Newton - lineman and drug smuggler, and who can forget Rae Carruth, the man with the foolproof plan to kill his pregnant girlfriend. From this group of heros let's review the new and improved crop for 2006.

First up, it's Koren Robinson who I'm ashamed to admit plays for my Packers. Koren has had a little trouble staying sober while operating machinery this year. When he's not catching passes, he spends his free time leading the Milwaukee police on high speed chases.

Not wanting to be outdone, Albert Haynesworth thought it might be easier to attract attention by committing crimes on the field. When Andre Gurode lost his helmet during a play, good 'ol Al thought he'd stomp on his opponent not once, but twice. I mean, hey, no one was looking right?

Then there's Ricky Manning, who is obviously the victim of a conspiracy. Seems that Ricky and his buddies don't like sharing their turf at Denny's with laptop toting nerds like myself. Irritated being juxtaposed with the intellectual? Ah, no problem, just beat that clown to within an inch of his life and fall back on the "it wasn't me" line. Don't worry, as long as you keep pulling in the picks, you'll still start on Sunday.

Just when we were past the wife beaters, Brett Myers to the rescue. Despite many witnesses who dialed 911, the Mrs. decided to drop the charges.

Last and definitely least is good 'ol Lawrence Phillips. Once the greatest football player in the history of the Nebraska program his troubles apparently began while still a student athlete (I use "student" loosely) where he was arrested for dragging his girlfriend down a flight of stairs by the hair. But with all the dough, errr pride, at stake for the Big 12 it just wouldn't be fair to bench the poor guy now would it? After being given a pass through "school" he was drafted in the 1st round by the L.A. Rams. Realizing he had been squandering his tremendous gift he put his life in order by committing a series of crimes. When Dick Vermile was unable to reach the young fella, he was excommunicated. Phillips had more or less disappeared from public view until August 12th of this year. After losing a pickup game of football, the superstar drove his car onto the field and proceeded to run people down, including 2 boys of 14 and 15.

Yes, I left out a few obvious example, like Lawrence Taylor and Todd Marinovich but space prohibits listing them here, which is really the point I suppose if there is a point. Actually, I'm having trouble summing this up other than to say that I continue to be stunned by the behavior of society where it concerns these idiots. I gotta go.